Depression & Creativity

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Hello everyone. I’m sorry that I haven’t written in a while…truth is, I haven’t really had the motivation to. I’ve thought of a number of topics (even started to write about them), only to realize that I wasn’t passionate enough about the subjects and therefore could not write a post that would be worthy of your attention.  So thank you for being patient with me and not ‘unfollowing’ during this period of stagnation.

These days, I do not experience depression. And while I am grateful for that in several ways, I also miss my emotional depth and creativity. When I am depressed, I am motivated to discuss several topics, and inspire others with my words and reflection. I am more compassionate, more in-touch with nature and my senses, and even more grateful for the tiny blessings that occur in a given day. Everything becomes more acute, and it is as if a new ability to experience heightened awareness floods my body. For lack of a better way to describe it, it is a beautiful sadness.

 When I am ‘normal’ and happy, I am on autopilot. I plow through my day more effortlessly and with less thought/attention to detail. While life like this is easier and less taxing, in a strange way it also feels less meaningful. I am less provoked by stimulating events, and less likely to cry during emotionally-laden conversations. Things don’t shake me in the same way that they used to. In fact, I cannot remember the last time I shed a tear…and I seriously believe that’s a first. That’s not to say that I don’t care about things. I definitely still do.

That being said, I am still 100% thankful for my continued happiness and stability. Lexapro is killin’ the game, even at my 5mg dose.

A few more things to note about it though:

*My blood pressure has dropped considerably since I’ve begun this medication. I think that may be attributable to the pill’s potential to reduce salt levels in the blood. Since I know that I don’t drink enough water, dehydration is likely causing this drop in blood pressure.

*My memory has worsened. Everyday stories and details are forgotten much more easily. This isn’t adversely affecting my work, school, or personal life. It’s just a bit frustrating when things need to be told to me more than once.

Although life without depression is less intense, it is also much easier. With nothing holding me back, I feel like all of my professional goals are attainable. Heck, I’m even considering pursuing a PsyD in the future! It’s exciting to feel like my life is on track, and that I am on the path to achieving an independently secure future that I can feel proud of. Life is kind of crazy, and I’ve gotta admit, I’m loving it.

 Until next time ❤

xx allie

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