Always Listen to Your Body

body.jpg

What’s up guys?! Happy Wednesday!

Lately, I have been itching to discuss an ideology that I’ve been adopting a LOT these days. ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOUR BODY.

What does it look like to listen to your body? Sometimes, it means not being able to give your 100%, 100% of the time. This is something that I still continue to struggle with, but I’ve been progressively learning to take my personal limits in stride.

As I’ve discussed in my blog posts before, exercising is extremely important to me. Although it’s nice to see physical developments as a result of working out, I appreciate exercising more for the mental benefits it provides. Exercise combats stress and depression, two things that I have been known to struggle with in my life. Devoting 2-3 days to working out per week is essential to my mental wellbeing, and for that reason I refuse to give it up. I regard it as my due diligence to see to it that I get the exercise I need to ensure that I am operating at my most pristine mental capacity. Sometimes however, I am a little too ambitious. I book myself for a workout class at 8am, the morning after being up until 12:30am doing my grad school reading/assignments. On these mornings, it is particularly difficult to wake up and work out. So what do I do? I listen to my body. If my body is saying that sleep is more important than exercise for that day, I turn off my “snooze” button and fall back asleep for another hour. I almost never regret missing my workout for extra zzzz’s. In my personal opinion, it’s a good tradeoff.

If you know me personally, then you probably know that I’m a little bit neurotic when it comes to my school work, which I see as a general reflection of my ambition, perseverance, and motivation. It irks me when I don’t complete the assigned reading before class, or I feel that I have underperformed on a paper or assignment. In the past, I’ve been relatively successful at devoting 110% effort into my school life–even going above and beyond when possible. However lately, I am realizing that this is next to near impossible in grad school. If I were to give 100% in everything I do, then there would never be enough time in a day. It’s about learning to recognize my limits, accept them, and then not beating myself up in the end. In grad school you learn about prioritizing, and you also learn about “scraping by” or just “doing what you need to do”. Point is, I’ve been listening to my body lately and ignoring my guilt. If I’m falling asleep while reading, then I choose sleeping. I’m not going to die if I don’t finish…in fact, it probably won’t matter at all. If I need quality time with friends for the sheer sake of sanity, then you best believe I’m going to make myself get what I need…even at the expense of other tasks. Balance is truly everything….and mental health and sanity is always #1. In fact, I even give myself ‘break days’ during the week, where I promise myself not to even open a book or take out my laptop. It’s important to be present in life, and to continue to enjoy living.…which can often be sacrificed for the sake of education or getting ahead.

Getting sick? Make that your focus. Listen to your body and give it what it needs to get well. If you ignore the signs or symptoms your body is presenting, then you will only suffer for longer. Make time to visit a doctor, allocate 20 minutes to pick up the meds you need from a local CVS, go get that “Cold Buster” from Jamba Juice, or crank out that Chicken Noodle Soup recipe you’ve been pocketing. You might not think you have time for any of this, but the fact is, you don’t have time to NOT do this. Your health is important, and if you are not operating at your best, then nothing you do will be a reflection of your best efforts. Take care of your body, then take care of your other responsibilities.

Your body is smart. You will always know what you need if you are perceptive to its language. Be mindful and aware of what it tells you. Take it into consideration. After all, it is the vessel in which you live. I can think of nothing more important than that.

Stay beautiful, stay in tune.

xx allie

Advertisements

Shaken

vegas.jpg

All day today I have felt shaken. I simply cannot get the vision of Sunday night’s catastrophe out of my head…and yet I was not even there. Thankfully, I did not attend that concert. Thankfully, no one that I personally know was hurt. But tonight I lay in my bed thinking about the many thousands of people who lost someone dear to them unexpectedly on that night. I wonder how many people will cry themselves to sleep, grieving over the loss of their son or daughter, their husband or wife, their cousin or best friend. Nobody could have foreseen the events of that night that left us all in disbelief. Nobody can undo it. My heart breaks to know this.

As I studied today in a public place, I felt an overwhelming sense of anxiety as I imagined how it would feel if suddenly I were challenged with the daunting task of running for my life amidst an avalanche of bullets. A feeling of panic overcame my entire body as I stewed in fear at the thought of its possibility. To think that at any moment one could be caught off guard and introduced to the stark contrast of life and death.

There is nothing in this world that will remedy the tragedy that occurred on Sunday in Las Vegas. But when tragedies of this sort happen, it is important that we do the only thing that we know how–look for the light.

There were many heroes that rose to the occasion when those bullets were fired. Incredible people jumped in front of bullets to save others they did not know. On that night, we saw the sinister act of one highly disturbed person. But in contrast, we also bore witness to the truly compassionate nature that resides within the very same species. We were reminded, albeit traumatically, of the extremely divergent conditions of the human mind. The devastation that can result from that of a deeply troubled mind, versus the heroic altruism that comes from the same network of neuronal connections.

We wonder what caused such a psychotic break. What compelled this man to follow-through with the deadliest recorded mass shooting in US history? The sickly part is that we may never know. We may never determine what caused him to snap. This shakes us even more.

But if we can learn anything from this tragedy, let it be this: spread kindness. 

We cannot know what people are going through behind the scenes. We cannot know how our interaction with a stranger might affect their decisions–and how those decisions might affect others. We cannot truly know even the people that we think we know. The best defense against this act of violence is just simply to spread kindness. It doesn’t take much, but it makes all the difference. Do something to make someone’s day. Start a chain reaction. Show the world what us humans are really made of.

#prayforvegas

xx allie

FabFitFun Fall Box Spoiler!

fff fall box.jpg

 

HAPPY FALL, OFFICIALLY!!

Hope your season started off beautifully.

There’s no blog post that can truly do the first day of Fall justice, but I figured what better way to kick off the season than with a FabFitFun Fall Box spoiler?!

So without further ado, let’s get started:

MerSea Scarf: Absolutely love this item. I expected it to be soft, but I had no idea it would be THIS soft! It’s a big scarf, with plenty of material to go around (and around and around and around). You can definitely tell it’s high-quality. I also love the color options. Depending on chance, you might receive the grey, pale pink, or teal color in your box. I received the teal and I couldn’t be happier, since my wardrobe could definitely use a bit of a color pop! Not a fan of scarfs? No worries, you can also use it as a bed runner! Retail Value: $98

fff scarf1

fff scarf.jpg

Private Party Gym Bag: I think this is my favorite item in the box. I was in need of a gym bag (so that I could carry my car keys, towel, change of shoes, workout clothes, water bottle, etc.), and this box answered my prayers! It’s a sizeable bag that will easily fit all of your gym items. It’s also very light-weight and flexible. All bags come with a super cute line on the front. So far I’ve seen “Gym & Juice”, “Will Work out for Cupcakes”, and “Meet me at the Barre”. Retail Value: $59

fff gym bag.jpg

TreStiQue Matte Color & Shiny Balm Lip Crayon: I’m always a fan of lip colors, so this item did not go unnoticed. The crayon is soft and hydrating to the lips, but also leaves a lasting shade. The lid is also magnetic, which is a nice touch. I received the lighter of the two colors, and I’m really happy with it. It is a color that I would typically use for an everyday work or school day. Retail Value: $28

fff lip color

fff lip color 2

The JetSet Diaries Beanie: Unfortunately, I’m not a huge fan of hats…but if you like beanies this one is really cute! I received the black one, but I believe it also comes in a pale pink color. It’s light-weight and has a cute subtle fabric pattern. Retails for $49

 Heart Shaped Jewelry Holder: I would probably love this if I hadn’t just purchased one of my own. It’s really cute, and adds some cute deco to your bedroom. Minimalist design, with a place to put your rings on the bottom as well. Retails for $33—which is actually somewhat hard to believe.  

fff jewelry holder

My TagAlongs Hot & Cold Gel Pack: I am really happy with this product. It’s rare to find a gel pack that serves as both a hot and cold compress. I’ve already tried it out in my microwave, and it works like magic and holds its heat. Not to mention, it has really cute sayings on it. It’s small and slim and can easily be fit inside the gym bag! Retail Value: $15

fff icepack.jpg

Whish Renewing Mud Mask: I LOVEEEEEE skincare products, so whenever they include these I’m psyched! This one only needs to be left on your skin for 2 minutes—so it’s super quick! It left my skin feeling soft and supple. Also is a decently sized bottle…so it will last for many a mask. Retails for $48

fff mud mask.jpg

Deco Miami Lavender Cuticle Oil: Not quite sure how well this oil works (as I’ve used it for 3 days in a row now and my cuticles seem about the same [as far as redness and dryness goes]). BUT (and this is a big but) I absolutely love the scent…and putting the oil on my nails before bed helps me relax and fall asleep to the lavender smell. Retail Value: $12.50

fff cuticle oil.jpg

Cottonelle Wipes Sample: This wipe sample is great because who doesn’t love to have wipes on hand! Throw them in your purse or put them in your glove compartment. 10 wipes come in the sample!

Molr Dental Club Organic Carbon + Coconut Teeth Whitening Powder and Toothbrush: A natural way to whiten your pearlys. It comes in a decent size container and will be good for SEVERAL uses. I like that they include a toothbrush, so that you don’t have to get your primary one dirty and charcoaly. The taste is almost non-existent and it’s an enjoyable enough teeth whitening experience. Only needs to stay on your teeth for literally 2 minutes! Retails for $43.95

fff tooth whitening.jpg

All in all, I really loved the fall box. It came with a lot of useful items, and was nicely themed for the season. Every time I get a new box, I always tell myself it’s the last one….but then I simply just cannot stop! FabFitFun is SO affordable and SO fun! I really feel like I’m getting a value. You can get all of this for $10 off using my code…so only $39.99!

CLICK HERE TO GET MY SPECIAL DISCOUNT: http://xo.fff.me/gv5Ap

xx allie

Back to School

back to school.jpg

So I survived my first week of grad school…but just barely.

I write to you today (on a Saturday night) because I am quarantining myself from the outside world, due to the illness that has befallen me. Slight fever, runny/stuffy nose, sore throat, and coughing. There is never a year in my life where I make it through the first week of school without catching something. I guess grad school is no different. So here I am.

 

First Impressions of MFT Grad School:

  • People seem to be a lot more friendly and open to discussion: Perhaps because my cohort is so small, and we all know that we are going to be very close over the course of the next two years. Students are eager to exchange names and get to know one another. In a weird way, I already almost feel like family to some of them.  I know that we will be having a lot of deep conversations in our classes, disclosing a lot of personal information and narratives. I am looking SO forward to intimately getting to know each and every one of my cohort members, digging deep into each others’ psyches and learning the intrinsic and extrinsic motivations for them choosing this line of work. I was also surprised that my cohort is rather young. I expected that our ages would be scattered, with a substantial range between the youngest and oldest peer. Turns out we are all about the same age.
  • Professors really care: The professors I’ve met so far seem to REALLY care about getting through to their students. They are willing to bend over backwards to meet up with students after class to address and answer their questions. They encourage you to email them at any time if you are confused about anything. They ask a million (*dramatization*) times throughout class if we have any questions. They have spent a long time creating extremely detailed syllabi that preface the expectations of the class, assignments, grading scale, and rubrics. They are passionate about their subjects and work hard to teach the material in ways that are understandable and clear, providing a number of extremely good examples and  relevant class exercises. They seem to really want us to excel in the class and receive “A”s. I feel inspired by their enthusiasm and encouraged by their belief in us.
  • Challenging Exams: Long gone are the days of multiple choice exams. It never occurred to me before, but since our classes are so small (in some cases only 7 students), grading exams is nowhere near as daunting as it probably was when my classes were 800+ people. All exams are now composed of only short answer and essay questions. While I’m not super stoked about this, I guess it will provide our professors with an accurate idea of our knowledge and understanding on any given subject. Not sure yet if tests are ever curved. Crossing my fingers that they are.
  • Attendance: Mandatory. This one is a little more obvious. Unlike undergrad, you can’t just choose not to show up to grad school classes. Doing so would be doing yourself a colossal disservice. Every class is made up of a week’s worth of content. The professors also pass around an attendance list during class. They know who you are. And they know when you don’t show up. It’s hard not to notice in a class of only 7 people. Gone are the days of playing hooky.
  • Laptops: So far I’ve noticed that I’m one of the only people that doesn’t bring their laptop to class. I literally felt like Elle Woods with my little notepad and pen. Am I the only one that sees laptops as a distraction though? I know I’m slower at hand writing than typing, but I definitely digest the material better when I actually write out the words, rather than press buttons on a laptop. I never used my laptop to take notes as an undergrad, but since the professors move so quickly in class through the slides, I may have to make a change. Gone are the days of hand written notes…maybe.

Overall, I’m super excited to start grad school. I forgot how much I love learning, and the enthusiasm I have for doing the reading and taking my own personal notes at home. I really feel like I am in my element, and that grad school is the perfect place for me at this point in my life. I am excited for my future career and the many many people I will hopefully be able to help. There is no better feeling than following your dreams, and I highly suggest that if you have a goal…start working towards it! You would be amazed how invigorating it feels to be doing something important for yourself, and working towards becoming a better version of you. That’s it for this post. Signing off–

xx allie

 

10 Stress-Relief Tips

stress relief

We know stress as the enemy. Not only does it feel terrible, but it is also associated with a lot of negative health implications (both short-term and long-term).  Nevertheless, although it is an uncomfortable experience, it serves an important biological purpose. Stress presents itself when a challenge has been posed, and it helps to rise us to the occasion and harness our ability to take on the stressor head-on. So although it can be a pain the in butt in many ways, the experience of stress is probably not going away any time soon. So then what do we do? We learn how to cope with the stress we experience in healthy ways.

Here are 10 tips that have been helpful to me in minimizing my experience of stress and transitioning out of it:

  1. Take 5 Minutes to Stretch—The experience of stress causes tension to build up in our bodies. When our bodies are rigid and tense, it is hard to feel relaxed. Many people have come to believe that the mind and body are connected, and that there is communication that occurs between the two. I suggest stretching in a dark place, where you are less distracted by your surroundings and are able to really tune into your body, stretch your full range of motion, and center yourself. You would be amazed just how stress-relieving the act of stretching can be!
  2. Use Essential Oils—Our sense of scent is powerful, and there are some natural scents that are believed to be more relaxing, soothing, and stress-relieving than others. If you tend to feel stressed out often, I would highly suggesting investing in one or two essential oils/sprays. I recently purchased an inexpensive lavender sage pillow mist, and I am happy to report that the scent is not only relaxing and enjoyable, but also seems to help me sleep at night. Another calming scent is eucalyptus.
  3. Try New Workouts—The key word here is “new”. As you probably know, working out in and of itself is already a great stress-reliever. But oftentimes we get so used to our typical routine, that it becomes mindless. We go to the gym, put our headphones in, and go through our series of machines, all while letting our mind wander. Trying a new workout presents a new challenge, engages our mind, encourages focus and present moment awareness, and disallows us from ruminating on the issues from our day. Immersing yourself completely in a new workout separates you from the distraction of your phone and the outside, stressful world. Go hiking, try studio barre, engage in a pilates class, or go swimming. Literally anything you can think of!
  4. Take a Bubble Bath—Honestly, bubble baths are so underrated. They are a fantastic way to disengage from the world, and tune into yourself. Pick out a yummy smelling bubble solution, pour a ton in, and just soak away all of your troubles. Perhaps even turn on some rainy-day tunes, jazz, or classical music. Taking 20-30 minutes for this “you-time” will make all of the difference.
  5. Get Lost in a Good Book—Oftentimes, reading can take you away. Immerse yourself in a new fictional world, or take the time to learn a new subject. When you spend 20+ minutes of your day to make a dent in a book you enjoy, you feel a sense of accomplishment for your self-motivation and follow through.
  6. Take Yourself on a Date— Have you been wanting to try that new restaurant down the street? Or that new dessert place? Then go! Treat yourself to an indulgent meal…and heck, even “cheat” a little! Get comfortable doing things by yourself, and you’ll feel good about your new-found independence.
  7. Write it Out—If you have something that you just can’t get off your mind, write about it. Get it all down on paper. Do a stream of consciousness activity. Sometimes just the act of writing can help us to make sense of something that’s complicated, or serve as a sense of catharsis. No one has to ever see what you write, and in fact, you can even toss your notes when you’re done!
  8. Organize and Plan—If you’re feeling stressed out by all of your responsibilities or upcoming deadlines, then take some time to plan and get organized. Purchase a planner, or make notes in a calendar or phone. These days, it’s much too hard to try to remember everything in our heads. So simply relieve yourself of that obstacle. When you start to see all of your plans on paper, and allocate your time and efforts accordingly, it all starts to feel doable. Be in control of your plans, and stop letting your plans control you. There are 24 hours in a day, and plenty of time to get everything done. It’s all about being efficient with your time, and responsible in your planning.
  9. Get Enough Sleep—I can’t stress this one enough. If you’re not getting at least 7 hours a night, then you’re doing yourself a disservice. Sleep is crucial, because it helps your body restore and renew itself from the wear and tear of the day. Sleep replenishes your mind. If you’re overtired or sleep deprived you are just adding onto your stress load and putting your health and body at risk of illness. Do yourself a favor and make a personal pact to go to bed by a certain hour every night. Whether it’s 10pm or midnight, stick to it!
  10. Don’t Be So Hard on Yourself—Last but not least, be gentle with yourself. Make an effort to abstain from using negative self-talk. Don’t be angry at yourself for being so stressed. That causes you to feel EVEN MORE stressed. That’s almost the same as trying hard to fall asleep before a certain time…you end up being unable to fall asleep. Be self-encouraging and positive. Give yourself a break. You’re only human, and you’re not perfect. Stress is a normal part of life, and it’s more than likely temporary.

Well, that’s it for this post! I hope you find it to be helpful. Feel free to share any helpful tips you have for reducing the impact of stress! Happy almost September!

xx allie

Learning & Accepting Your Limits

limits

As I get older, I realize more and more that there simply is not enough time in a day. Over the course of the last few years, I have discovered what is largely important to me to feel happy and complete inside. Among these are the following:

Spending quality time with my best friends and family

Working out regularly (mainly for the emotional benefits and stress relief)

Reading for pleasure (to quiet my mind at night and continue to self-learn)

Maintaining outside camaraderies with my coworkers

In order to see to it that I accomplish these goals on a weekly basis, I find that my days are jam-packed! I leave the house at 7:30am for work, and oftentimes don’t return home until 8pm or later. By the time I eat, shower, and prepare myself for the next work day, there is little time for tv or reading before turning in and going to bed before 11pm (which is what I tend to aim for on the week nights). From an outsider’s perspective, it looks as though I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off. But to me, this has become pretty much the norm. I have grown accustomed to having a busy life, and for the most part, I don’t mind it.

There come times however, where I must acknowledge my limits and take time to preserve my energy and nurture my mental well-being. For instance, I try to plan my workouts for the upcoming week on Sunday so that I can make my other plans around these time blocks. In many cases, this works well for me as I have made it a HUGE priority for myself to work out at least 3 days a week in order to combat depression and the onset of stress. In fact, since I’ve been working out more routinely, I’ve noticed a decline in my susceptibility to illness. Not only is my mental well-being gaining strength and resilience, but so is my body and my immune system. WIN-WIN. However, I would say that at least one day a week I finish work and realize that I just simply do NOT have the energy, and would be better off skipping out on my pre-planned workout. In these cases, I feel that it is important to listen to the signals my body is sending me and take time to rest and recover. Although I’m always a little bummed out that had to forfeit my workout, I know that I am doing my body a favor by listening to it. This is a prime example of knowing my limits.

Sometimes I’ll have a friend ask me if I am available to hang out on a weekend night or do something fun on a week day night. While I always feel a strong inclination to want to accept any invitation to spend time with my friends, sometimes I have to take time to deliberate whether I have the resources to. What do I mean by this? In many cases, I have already planned at least 2-3 hangouts with different friends during the week, and while I might be available during the time that they’ve requested to hang out, it might be the better option for me to just relax and take a breather. In other words, I don’t need to (and probably shouldn’t) book every free minute of my day. Sometimes it is nice to be able to recharge during the weekends and get a good night’s sleep. While it is tough to decline a fun hangout, sometimes it’s what my body and mind truly need. This is another example of knowing my limits. Despite my desire to stay busy and continue to nourish my friendships, I also allocate time in the week to block out for rest/recovery.

If you know me at all, then you know how much I love to read at night before bed. Some days, however, I am just so exhausted from a jam-packed schedule or mentally arduous work day. While it somewhat disappoints me to have to skip a night of reading, I understand that sometimes my brain needs a rest from thinking. For this reason, there are times where I forgo my book and choose to be on autopilot while watching a mindless tv show or series. It is so fulfilling to sit back, relax, and be entertained without having to put forth any effort in return.

I chose this topic to write about today because I am starting grad school in exactly a week, and I know that once I do, I will have to re-learn my limits and adjust accordingly to my new challenges. While I am cutting down my work hours from 40 to 20 per week, I realize that classes and homework will account for much more than what I’m surrendering. I will likely have to make sacrifices in order to accomplish my responsibilities. This might mean less workouts per week, getting less sleep, spending less time with friends/family, or even putting ‘on pause’ my pleasure reading. While it is hard to anticipate how drastically my schedule will change and exactly what kinds of sacrifices will be in order, I am prepared to be flexible and morph into my new role as a student again. I am working towards my professional career, and that often does come with some sacrifice. I simply cannot wait until I am finally a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, whatever that may take!

Since the inception of my blog in January, I have been doing my best to continue adding new posts at least once per week. I will continue to try to update my viewers with new posts, as my journey is only just beginning! Please be patient with any inactivity for the next few weeks as I try to re-learn my boundaries, adjust to my changing schedule, and allocate time for this very important blog. I appreciate all of the amazing comments you send me, and the extreme level of encouragement to continue. You all are the best!

xx allie

Predicting the End.

fighting.jpg

Oftentimes, relationships last in what people call “the honeymoon stage” for 6 months to a year (in my experience). When the excitement wears off however, the relationship can often turn sour rather quickly.

As an undergrad that double majored in Psychology and Communication, I spent a good deal of time studying relationships, and the ways individuals communicate to effectively (or in many cases, ineffectively) get their messages across to their partner. One of the most monumental researchers I learned about in school, Dr. John Gottman, has been of particular interest to me both within the realm of academia and in my own personal experiences or observations of others. Dr. Gottman has an approach to describe communication styles that can predict the end of a relationship. According to his research, there are four telling communication patterns that, when combined, lend themselves to what he calls the “Apocalypse of” the relationship.

Let’s look more closely at these 4 patterns:

  1. Criticism

Criticism is not the same thing as simply voicing a complaint. It is a personal attack that is not necessarily specific to a thing/behavior that your partner has done, or a mistake that they’ve made. Criticism of this sort involves dismantling your partner at their core, aggressively speaking to their character, or personality as a whole.

  1. Contempt

Contempt is an extremely volatile way of speaking to someone you care about. People that speak with contempt mock their partners, ridicule them, call them names, mimick them, eye-roll, or display other degrading body language to make their point. When people speak with contempt, they undermine any efforts they have previously made with their partner to show respect. Contempt is the ultimate way to degrade a person, thereby bringing their spirits down. Believe it or not, couples that are contemptuous of each other are more likely to experience illness as a result of a lowered immune system. So not only is contempt emotionally painful, but it also doubles as a hazard to your health. According to Gottman’s research, contempt is the greatest predictor of divorce in a relationship. If you are experiencing contempt in a relationship, it is important to recognize this pattern and communicate to your partner about the danger of continuing to argue in this way. If the contempt continues for much longer, it can only further erode at the relationship and wither any chances for improvement.

  1. Defensiveness

It’s safe to say that we’ve all been defensive at some point in our lives. However, this begins to be a problem when you are confronted with a form of defensiveness any time you try to voice your frustration, make a complaint, or describe your feelings about something. When people make excuses for their behavior, they are unwilling to take responsibility for something they may have been able to handle better. They are not validating their partner’s concerns or emotions, and find a way to turn the tables and blame them instead. Defensiveness is a roadblock for making progress. No progress can ever be made when someone is not willing to admit there was a problem that could have been avoided or diminished, and therefore not open to making changes for a better result in the future.

  1. Stonewalling

Last but not least is stonewalling. This phenomenon occurs when one partner decides to suddenly withdraw from the interaction. They shut down and close themselves off from the other partner. They refuse to answer or respond to anything that is said to them. It is as if a stone wall is standing between the couple. Obviously, this is not an effective way to communicate, as it disallows the couple to engage in a conversation that is validating and effective to fixing the problems at hand.

Why am I bringing this up? When we notice that a relationship is starting to veer off course and go downhill, we often panic and scramble to fix things at all costs. Our desperate attempt to ameliorate our issues immediately may result in worse problems. Patterns don’t fix themselves over night. Big changes take time, patience, and persistence. But, if you are able to notice negative relationship patterns ahead of time (and possibly before they become damaging enough), you may still have time to stop them in their tracks. Being knowledgeable and informed about these styles of communicating can help you when you’re confronted with a difficult situation and just want to feel heard. The most important thing to remember is to speak to others the way you would want to be spoken to. It may sound intuitive, be we often forget about this simple notion when we are in the heat of the moment. Have respect for people, and show your respect through your actions and behaviors. Thinking before you speak can only ever result in a better interaction. If you work on your patience, and will power to refrain from saying hurtful things while feeling worked up, you will notice your relationships drastically improving over time.

Words can be like daggers. You can really hurt a person by the things you choose to say. Some words leave scars, which may take a very long time to heal. Before leaving those scars on another, take a moment to consider whether your word choice is carefully selected, accurately portrays how you feel about someone, and is what you are trying to say. Will your message come across effectively? Do you think you will be heard? Will you be deliberately hurting someone in speaking your mind? There are many things to consider, and often not a lot of time to do so. So be careful what you choose to say. Your diction and delivery are everything.

 

xx allie

Life on Life’s Terms

serenity

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and the wisdom to know the difference.

The serenity prayer has helped millions of recovering alcoholics to accept life on life’s terms, and cope with the everyday struggles that are sometimes out of our control. Whether you are an alcoholic or not, chances are that you could also benefit from the teachings of the 12 Step Program. I am lucky to say that I have never struggled with having a problem relating to alcohol, but I have a whole heart of compassion for the people who have. I honestly believe that the 12 step recovery process is a life changer for anyone (alcoholic or not) who commits to the principles and seeks to live a satisfying, honest, and accepting life.

Undoubtedly one of the most difficult things to accept in life is that there are many things that we have absolutely no control over. It is important to recognize those things, and learn to accept our powerlessness over them. We should expend our efforts and energy towards the things that are within our control, allowing us to reach a greater level of satisfaction, pride, and meaning once our influence has proved successful. Learning to live life on life’s terms means that you are willing to accept the ups and downs that the universe delivers, without putting up resistance or acting out as a means of coping.

I recently starting reading the NY Times Bestseller, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson, and despite what you may think from the title, it’s actually been a pretty eye-opening read. The premise of the book is that life sucks sometimes, but it’s better to just admit it, shrug your shoulders and get over it. Manson says that we should really stop kidding ourselves and acting as though nothing but positivity surrounds us. He says we should just honor the fact that the world is shitty, and then make the most of what’s left of it. In other words, accept life on life’s terms. It’s important to remain level-headed through all of life’s shitty, unfair moments, and continue to give fucks about only the things that truly matter. Be honest with whatever your situation, and be honest with yourself. Life gets better once you accept the things you cannot change.

xx allie

You Look Tired Today

tired

You hit the snooze button for the third time this morning, and roll out of bed. You forgo your eye shadow for today,  scarf down your half toasted bagel, and run out the front door leaving your packed lunch behind absentmindedly. Despite the struggle being real this morning, you make it to work on time. As you are about to pat yourself on the back in your mind, your coworker leans over your desk and says, “You look tired today”.

If you’ve ever be told this line, then I feel your pain. WHAT? I am sorry to say that unfortunately this blog post is going to be somewhat of a rant. Personally, I feel that this comment is entirely inappropriate for a number of reasons. Let us count the ways.

  1. Excuse me, but did I ask you for your opinion on how I look today? Was your feedback welcomed in any way? If I didn’t ask, then maybe it’s because I don’t care to know. And who made you the expert on what I should look like, and whether I’m up to par with your expectations?
  2. I look tired, you say? Oh really? What gave it away today? Was it the bags under my eyes? My messy, half put together hair? My outfit choice? Am I pale? Do I look sick? Do I look like shit? Thank you for noticing. Something about me is not right, which is why I look tired today according to you. Well, out with it! What are you trying to tell me exactly?
  3. Okay, so I look tired. Is there something you want me to do about it? What’s the point of telling me this, other than to make me also FEEL like crap in addition to looking like it?
  4. How am I expected to respond? I immediately feel awful now that you think I look tired. Should I make up an excuse for a reason why? Should I agree that I put little effort into my appearance today? Should I go in the bathroom to reapply my makeup? What is the proper response? TELL ME.

Okay so basically, a word to the wise: DON’T ASK THIS QUESTION TO ANYONE. It’s just not nice, and doesn’t come across well. If you think a person looks tired, maybe just keep that thought to yourself. Save your personal feedback for positive affirmations and compliments. Build the world up, don’t knock it down. The world is tough enough without you telling people that they look tired. End rant.

xx allie

fabfitfun Summer Box Review

 

fabfitfun box

What’s up guys! A few days ago, I received my summer edition of the fabfitfun box. I gotta say, it did NOT disappoint. I’m really obsessed with these boxes, because I can’t get over what a great value they are. They come loaded with season-specific products that are name brand and high quality. Let’s review the contents of my box:

  • Michael Stars Ruana Scarf/Sarong: I knew that this was going to arrive in my box, since it was the spoiler product prior to its delivery. I wasn’t too excited for it initially, but after receiving it, I absolutely love it! It is super soft and thin, and I love the black & white color that I got. It looks trendy over a white blouse, or can be tied to your handbag or used as a scarf. It’s literally the perfect summer garment. Retails for $54.

ruana

  • BKR Little Water Bottle (glass): Since I workout often, I am constantly looking for a clean water bottle to take with me to the gym. This one is cute, girly, and convenient. Retails for $35.

water bottle

  • Ultra Light Hydrating Sunscreen Lotion SPF 50: When I go outside to tan, I use tanning oil spray for my body (that is a 15 SPF). However, I know I’ve been needing a face sunscreen that is more protective and sensitive. I really like this lightweight blend, as it is not oily at all and mixes very well with my foundation. Retails for $24.
  • Cargo_HD Picture Perfect Highlighter in Bronze: This is a very subtle highlighter (less of a bronzer), that really just gives my face a nice glow. It kind of sets my makeup and leaves me looking awake and renewed. Retails for $30.

highlighter.jpg

  • Juice Beauty Smoothing Eye Concentrate: I love eye creams and concentrates, because you can never start your anti-aging regime too early. It doesn’t just soak right in and dry up. It lasts for hours, leaving the skin around my eyes to feel soft, moisturized, and supple. Little bit goes a long way. Retails for $29.
  • Klorane Dry Shampoo with Oat Milk: I haven’t tried this out yet, but it looks like a higher quality dry shampoo, and it comes in a sizable bottle. It’s supposed to help you regain volume and texture, without leaving a white residue. Retails for $20.

dry shampoo.jpg

  • Ready, Set, Create Art Set: Honestly, I wasn’t too too stoked with this item. I’ll probably regift it, or give it to a child I know. There were some other item options that I would have preferred to receive here (too bad its random sometimes!). I really liked the Himalayan salt kit, and also the body massage oil. Retails for $22.
  • Kris Nations Mystic Gemstone Bar Necklace: Aside from the Michael Stars Ruana, this is my favorite thing in the box. I love handmade dainty, girly necklaces, but this one is special to me because I received the moonstone which is helpful for harnessing positive energy. Goes with literally any outfit. Retails for $58.

necklace

  • Collagen Peptide Stick Pack and 20% off Coupon: I’ve seen collagen inspired products before, but never in an ingestible powder. They aren’t kidding when they say that it’s odorless and tasteless. Initially, it seemed like a HECK of a lot of powder to put inside my coffee cup, but it dissolved right up and was indiscernible upon drinking. I felt good having it in the morning, as it was 9 extra grams of protein, and collagen is great for joints, bones, skin, hair, etc. I might just have to buy some more and use it on the daily.

Basically, this box was WELL worth the money I spent. It’s original price is $49.99, which is a steal…but if you use my code, you’ll get an additional $10 off your box…making it only $39.99!!! (which is less than the retail price of the Ruana itself!)

My code is: fffa2p6

GO GO GO GO GET YOURS NOW!

xx allie