To my knowledge, I’ve never had a true addiction to anything. But, if I had to choose one thing that I’m definitely hooked on, it’s chocolate…without question. I simply cannot think of the last day that I went without some amount of chocolate, or even the last morning that I woke up and did not crave it. Chocolate is a staple for me, in the same way that maple syrup was a staple for Will Ferrell in the movie, Elf.
While enrolled in my MFT program, I have come to discover that a class during my next semester will arrive with the ultimate challenge. Since I will undoubtedly be working with individuals who struggle from addiction in my practice, I will be given the task of giving up something that I feel addicted to in my own personal life. I will (in theory) gain first-hand of experience of what it feels like to quit an addiction. This hiatus from my addiction will last the entire duration of the semester, and I imagine I will be writing a paper or presenting on my experience of weening off my addiction at the end of the class.
In preparation for the commencement of this assignment, I have been attempting to get EVEN MORE addicted to chocolate than I already am. Not only have the holidays been a good excuse to turn into a sugar gremlin, but I wanted to get the most accurate experience during this little experiment [without having to start smoking or heavily drinking], by making it as difficult as possible for me to quit my chocolate craze.
In the process of feeding my addiction to chocolate, I’m sure that I’ve gained upwards of 8 pounds….but I honestly don’t know, because I’m afraid to look. I can see a difference in my arms and stomach (luckily, its winter so I can layer & bundle), but what I can’t see concerns me even more. I’m sure that my health and body are not thrilled with the extra sugar I’ve been indulging in. It has been somewhat sickening how little I have tuned into my subconscious lately and resisted the willpower I’d normally exercise in making food choices. Mind you, I have continued to work out 3-4 days per week despite my increased chocolate intake–but it appears that the chocolate diet is winning nonetheless.
Come January, I plan to begin my withdrawal. Although I don’t formally begin the new school semester until Jan. 17th, I think it’s time I begin. Gone will be the days of chocolate consumption, and I have no doubt that my body will feel like its suffering. Although, I feel certain that my conscience will be clearer and my mind more at ease. I plan to undergo some setbacks (as most addicts do), and I’m certain I will have moments of weakness….especially when the peer pressure kicks in. At the end of this experiment, I hope to be able to better empathize with the struggles that addicts face in weening off their vice. From what I understand, addiction can be an atrocious demon. It is truly not a condition to emulate — unless it is for the greater good of yourself and/or others….and in this case, I like to believe that it is.
5 more days of sugar, then more updates to come.
Wish me luck.
xx allie
alexandria noelle 